Born and raised in Aspen, Colorado, I quickly found my love for dance and hate for tights at two years old. I grew up in Aspen, and my parents had a tumultuous relationship. My mom and I thrived through it all, and my father moved out of Aspen when I was seven years old. Although he had half custody of me, I slowly started seeing him less and less since kindergarten. I never truly knew how my relationship with my father could be described, but I wouldn’t call it father-daughter. Through the many girlfriends and addictions, I didn’t want to know him, and through my eyes, his actions were telling me he didn’t want to know me either. I have learned much from him and wouldn’t want my life any other way. My mom, or A-Dog as I like to call her, is the strongest person to walk this earth in my eyes, and she taught me what healing, growth, and kindness look like. But she has also taught me everything else that makes me who I am. Because of the “deficit” of not having a whole family, I feel I have grown up faster and had to pay way more attention to the people around me and how they affect me.
It wasn’t until I was 12 years old that I moved to Carlisle, Pennsylvania, to pursue my dream of becoming a professional ballerina. Covid-19 brought that dream to a standstill, and suddenly, I was in first position in my living room. I furthered my dance career when I moved back to Aspen and became a part of the Aspen High School dance team. I learned teamwork and was thankful to be a part of winning a state championship. This team has forever changed me because I knew what it means to be a part of a team and a family. The responsibility I had before was only for me, being an only child and doing ballet, a very individual sport. A little more than a year later, I faced adversity that would change what I had always envisioned my future would become.
At the beginning of my sophomore year, I made an enormous mistake that transformed who I am today. I thought of the genius idea of putting alcohol into a caprice sun for field day. This massive mistake meant I was suspended from school, banned from homecoming, and dismissed from the dance team. At first, I was told that I wouldn't be kicked off, but sadly, the decision was for me to not be allowed on the team for the entire year. A stupid mistake that I could have avoided entirely cost me what I believed to be my future. I never knew my life without dance.
Aspen High School did not make things any easier by not allowing me to fill the gaping hole in my heart that dance left. I was not allowed to participate in multiple school activities or leadership roles, which is understandable. They punished me however they saw fit, even if it wasn't written in the disciplinary handbook or anywhere else, and the punishment was never-ending. I knew that I would not be able to grow in an environment that was constantly watching me to see how I would fail next. It was hard not to fall into that trap without dance keeping me in line. I also knew that I was simply bored without dance; classes did not challenge me, and my boredom got me into trouble in the first place.
What made me who I am today…
By the beginning of the new year, I hit my head and have not been able to dance at the same level since. The family I lost from losing the dance team was one of the most painful things I have ever gone through, but the shame I felt for letting down my coaches and team took over me. I had no one in my corner who I once had, and it seemed like I would never be able to get my dance family back. Once I fully recovered from my concussion, I was able to try out for the dance team for the next year. I was thrilled to be able to finally return back to my family, but they had moved on and changed without me, including the new coach. I put everything I had into dance, but it was no longer for myself or my team; it was to prove myself to them and hope they welcome me back. I knew it would never be the same and that my head wouldn't be able to dance consistently at that level again.
I knew that I needed a change of environment to find what my new future would look like and to continue to grow. I made a significant mistake but had learned so much from it. I knew that staying in the same environment wouldn't benefit me. I made the risky choice of switching from public high school to online school. Multiple reasons were fueling the switch. I knew I wanted to take my education into my own hands, especially after my concussion, and I could do just that with online school. Since I would no longer attend college for dance, I wanted to explore everything and anything. I had tunnel vision on dance being my future since I was ten years old, and it was daunting knowing it was time to find a new path. However, it launched my curiosity in full force.
Because of the flexibility online school gave me, I could travel, try new programs, and meet new people. I knew within the first month of trying my new form of education that I fought for was right for me. I am thankful for my two years at a public high school and am so grateful for the mistake I made because I wouldn't have gone to online school without it, meaning I wouldn't have found my passion for architecture, travel, music, film, finance, computer science, the list goes on. I know no matter with or without the mistake, I would've become bored and not learned and lived up to my full potential. I learned about accountability and determination and that there is always room to grow and learn more. I could not be more grateful for my experience because I would not be who I am today without it.
